free tests

self-help

library of articles

community

personal coaching

with Alison Finch

support

Tip: Learn more with the related eWorkbooks shown below:

confidence coaching

eZine article: July, 2005

written by Alison Finch

Brilliant Things to Say to Your Boss!

chapter 1

(if you've read the eZine - move straight on to chapter 2)

When your self-esteem is suffering, probably the last person on earth you want to share this fact with is your boss! Of course there are exceptions but, generally speaking, bosses are more interested in our performance than how we feel deep-down inside. If you work for someone, or if you simply carry out some activity under the guidance of someone else, then you will almost certainly be able to think of occasions when you wish you'd said or done something differently or better.

If you pause for a few seconds to think of such occasions, the chances are that you will immediately recall events that were initiated by your boss, because such events are (a) probably more frequent, and (b) probably likely to catch you more off guard than if you had approached your boss proactively.

But, whoever approaches whom, the statistics show that the chances of both of you coming away with increased energy and enthusiasm for the tasks ahead are somewhat disappointing.

So, what can you do to maximise the likelihood of having a positive interaction with your boss, regardless of the subject of your meeting or the nature of the task in hand? Well, quite a lot actually. The rest of this article will show you how to transform your working environment and significantly increase your job satisfaction, even if you don't like your boss.

chapter 2

If you're going to get the most from your work, your relationship with your boss matters to you. So does the nature of that relationship. You're both adults, so it should be no surprise that a parent/child relationship is inappropriate and destructive. That means you have some responsibility to manage your boss, as well as the other way around! I've managed literally hundreds of men and women in the past in all sorts of environments, ranging from smelly petfood factories to plush corporate offices and I know from experience that the hardest people to manage are those who feel that they have no power to influence my decision-making, no right to challenge my perspective and no desire to speak their mind. Working with people like this often left me drained and disappointed because the potential to do great things together as a team was greatly diminished by this child-like behaviour.

A sizeable number of readers will feel some immediate rejection of what I've just written, and most of those rejections will begin with "But..."

So let's get some of those "buts" out of the way.

But... what if your boss is unapproachable? What if your boss is an autocrat? What if your boss never listens to you? What if your boss is useless? What if your boss is an ego-maniac? What if your boss hates you? What if you hate your boss?

OK, any of those "buts" makes your life more difficult, for sure. But not impossible, because what I'm going to tell you about will still work. And, to look on the positive side of those objections, the worse your relationship with your boss is now, the more dramatic the progress you can make with a change in your own attitude!

Let's just stay with the difficult scenarios for a few moments longer. Suppose, for whatever reason, the relationship between you and your boss is, well, strained. What can you do to improve things?

a golden rule: act with merit

Three small words. Easy to say; harder to do because a bit of courage and determination is required. But that's true of anything worthwhile, isn't it?

So how do you make sure that you're acting with merit? First of all, even if you think you have the worst boss in the world, make sure that you DON'T do any of the following:

DON'T give up on what you believe in!
DON'T waste time whingeing and/or gossiping about how bad things are
DON'T let someone else's shortcomings - especially your boss's - cause your own standards to slip
DON'T mislead, mis-direct, misrepresent, or lie about anything
DON'T fail to meet a commitment that you've made to somebody, including of course your boss
DON'T compromise your integrity, for example by saying something that you don't really mean
DON'T ever do anything less than your best, even if you think nobody else would notice!

The great thing about that list is that there's nothing on it that's beyond your capabilities is there? And, wouldn't you agree, it's a pretty good foundation for creating a positive and constructive working environment? And all we've looked at so far is cutting out the negatives!

No matter how incompetent, mal-adjusted, or unapproachable your boss is, he or she cannot fail to see your acting with merit as a good thing. A thing that deserves more of his or her respect.

Acting with merit will also enable you to keep your self-esteem in good shape and I know that you want to do that.

piling on the positives, at least one per day, every day

Just as cutting out the negatives works to improve your relationship with any boss, so does piling on the positives. Here are some brilliant things to do (by which, of course, I don't mean that you have to study rocket-science in your spare time, I simply mean that these things will make you shine, and they'll help you to light-up your workplace with new energy).

Try saying "Yes, and..."

Notice I said "try". By that I mean try to think of a positive way to build on some of your boss's suggestions and help them to fly, before you think of all the reasons why they're bad ideas that you want to reject. Of course, there are lots of suggestions that simply aren't very good, and a well thought-through "But..." is the most helpful thing you could say after you've paused for thought.

Starting your response with "Yes, and..." is much more difficult than saying "but...", which is why very few people bother to attempt to master this useful technique. However, the rewards of trying are significant - if you can build on one of your boss's ideas and make it stronger, or if you can add energy and enthusiasm to increase the chances of jointly succeeding, your boss cannot fail to appreciate your effort and is more likely to turn to you for help in times of need. There is a feelgood factor available for everyone to enjoy; all because you put the effort into saying two little words "Yes, and..."!

Use your imagination. "What if...?"

Again, think positively first but also negative versions of "What if...?" can be valuable too. The point is that you have a brain, which means you have power, so use it to best effect. Remember, you and your boss are ultimately on the same side, you both benefit when things go well. And, unless you're pretty new at it, you know your job better than anybody, including your boss.

Be proactive. "I have an idea..."

It's always very easy to look at the way your boss tells you to do something and then tell your friends later how unreasonable it is. But bosses don't get people to do things in an inefficient way for fun, they do it because they haven't seen a better way. So, if you can think of a better way of doing something, get out there proactively and share it in the form of an open-minded and constructive suggestion. Provided that you're tenacious and you do not crumble at the first signs of rejection, one of two things is likely to happen: (a) there will be reasons you didn't know about for doing things the "old" way, or (b) your idea will eventually be accepted and adopted. Either way, your boss's respect for you increases, and your self-esteem rises because you've acted with merit and tried to do something better than it was done before. You're a good person to have on any team!

Be supportive. Pay a compliment when it's deserved.

We're not talking office politics here. But your boss is a human being and, just like you, will feel better about him/herself if someone recognises his/her achievement and expresses some appreciation of it. One of the most common workplace complaints I hear about is that "my boss never notices when I do well". Try turning the tables around whenever a genuine opportunity arises, and see how good that makes both of you feel. Sincere compliments always add value in their own right so even if your boss never learns this skill, that's no excuse for not applying it yourself.

Be mature - ask for help when you need it.

Whether you're fresh out of high-school or contemplating retirement, remember that there's a world of difference between "Please can you help me...?" and "HELP ME!!" The first is a sensible request, the second is a childish reaction to a challenge. There's good reason why an exclamation mark is called a "shriek" in the US and - as an adult in the workplace - there's no room for being pathetic or wallowing in self-pity when something's simply beyond you. If you feel stuck or vulnerable at work, acknowledge the fact and use the problem as a learning experience so that you're better next time. There's no shame in that. If things do not go your way, don't waste time in whingeing about how unfair life is, just apply yourself to the solution and move onwards with dignity.

Be wise - apply your judgement

One of the things that saddens me is that the phrase "being judgemental" is turning into something that is always perceived as a bad thing. Jumping to conclusions on skimpy evidence is a bad thing, but using your judgement, experience, and wisdom to assess people, as well as to make informed choices and decisions is clearly a good thing. Don't be afraid of the judgements you make (yes, you make them whether you dare to admit to it or not), or of sharing your judgements sensitively so that your boss and co-workers can benefit from them too. And this includes constructive criticism; provided that your criticism is well-intentioned and based on fact not hearsay then it is likely to have a positive influence on your working environment.

And finally, whatever you say to your boss, say it with courage in your heart and with your head held high because even if you're boss doesn't notice the difference, you will and that's what matters the most.

already a member?login here...